I’m still not entirely certain what happened. My mind snapped about a week ago but it was a long time coming. Almost 35 years long, to be honest.
There are still conversations I need to have with my lover (the only one who witnessed it happen as it occurred in the privacy of our home) to fill in the gaps, but one thing I do know is that what happened felt like some higher power was flicking the switch of my awareness/consciousness on and off at ever increasing intervals. I know I didn’t try to hurt myself and I didn’t try to hurt anyone else, but I must have been making less and less sense to Dags (the aforementioned lover) because it eventually got bad enough that he broke one of the only promises I ever made him make to me, which was that he would never call mental health services on me.
I realize now you cannot have ultimatums in a relationship, however well-intentioned. I’ve forgiven him for breaking his promise, and I hope he understands that.
I’d never stayed in a mental health institution before. (I was briefly and voluntarily enrolled in a program back in Newfoundland in my early twenties when I felt I was close to suicide but that just hooked me up with a psychiatrist and some meds that I only stayed on for a very brief time). I realize now it was always my greatest fear, largely because I didn’t believe in myself enough to have faith I could ever get out again once in. Happily, in that as well, I was wrong. Continue reading →
On a horse, I mean. Ever since I was a kid. Back during my childhood, whenever summer would finally reach Newfoundland, my mother would take me out for our yearly trip to Prince Edward Park, where I’d get to ride a big black mare with a white diamond on its forehead named ‘Bucky’.
I loved those days. Led by one of the riders, we’d walk worn trails shadowed by dense forest for an hour or so before returning to the stable. A stop would usually be made at the playground afterward, and ice cream would follow for the drive back home.
Glorious though it was for a young girl to simply be astride a horse, where she could imagine herself to be a royal princess (though I was more often Zorro or Robin Hood), the thing I most remember from those days was the short, recurrent argument I would always have with the lead rider.
A quick explanation/apology for the delay between the last ‘India, in review’ and the one to be posted later today.
I’ve recently had the good fortune of finding a home for myself in Melbourne, but said home was unfortunately without internet access until today. As such, getting the next post up would have required my finding a cafe with wifi from which to upload which, with my current work schedule, was an unappealing task.
This should be the last of such long absences for a while. If another occurs. . . it’s likely laziness on my part as opposed to any external circumstance. Hopefully that won’t be the case.
Complaints were made regarding my choice of photo representation of the Snows of Sydney in last Saturday’s post. Here, then, is a cozier, cuddlier photo of the two, pictured together (as they often are)
Also pictured is Cash, Cat in Black, Destroyer of Chairs.
Admittedly, it being WordPress, it doesn’t need MUCH construction. All the same, this blog’s owner has yet to make friends with technology.
She’s hoping there will be a real, actual readable blog up here before Valentine’s Day 2012. And, hopefully, more blogs following that, at something resembling a regular rate of postage. If she gets REAL ambitious, there will also be links to a podcast project she is currently fumbling with. Because, clearly, she does not know how to do ONE thing at a time.