It was inevitable. I’ve been out bush for over 5 months so I have 5 months of humorous/thought-provoking/heart-warming shared links/comics/videos to catch up on. And if I ever claimed to not have a (very strong) streak of meme dork going through me I’d be lying through my goddamn teeth. It took me almost 2 days of travel to get back to Melbourne (the rail system, she is not speedy) and expecting to pop up off my mate’s sofa bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the very next morning to IMMEDIATELY START ALL THE THINGS would be. . .well, idiotically naive to the point of delusional, really.
Allow me to share with you a terrible, wonderful recipe. It comes all the way from the magical island of Newfoundland.
The recipe is as follows:
1 – Make bread dough
2 – Instead of allowing it to fulfill its life purpose by baking/rising in the oven, instead beat the shit out of it. Then fry it in pork fat.
3 – Because life is too short, top this delicious monstrosity with products that are either 80% fat, or sugar or both. Molasses is classic. Butter is also an option.
Despite being a blogger, there aren’t many blogs I religiously follow. One that I do is The Pervocracy, a sex positive BDSM blog written by a feminist kinkster named Cliff.
Outside of some fantastic articles on everything from combating gender stereotypes to how to butt sex someone up but good, Cliff writes a monthly feature entitled ‘Cosmocking’ in which s/he takes the piss out of that month’s Cosmopolitan magazine (and it’s heavily photo-shopped cover). The series is consistently good, and I tend to share the article with friends via Facebook, along with a quote from a bit I found particularly giggle-worthy. This month’s share was this:
“Anyway, I know kayak sex can’t be done, because I looked for pictures of it, and I couldn’t find any. If there isn’t a picture of a sex act on the Internet, it is physically impossible.”
Because I have the friends I do, one of them sent this photo in response to my share:
. . Touche, Jason. Touche.
(The picture, in case you were wondering, is of former gymnast/body-builder and current professional kayaker Freya Hoffmeister.)
I like filling the last couple gigs of my iPod randomly. There are albums friends have put onto my iTunes throughout the years that I haven’t had a chance to listen to, or things I downloaded in a set that I still haven’t listened to in full. So, when I’m in the mood, I’ll play my full song list on shuffle.
So between old, familiar good tunes something new will come on and I’ll be like ‘hey, I dig this, nice’, and make a mental note to listen to it more. Sometimes something shit comes on and I’m like ‘right, will be deleting that rubbish.’ Sometimes I don’t even notice the new stuff playing because it either blends in with what I already listen to or is just very successful at being ninja background music.
But every once in a while, rarely, magically, something comes on that, from the very first few chords, makes my ears perk up and take notice and I’m like ‘Oh, hello, what are you?’ And the song just keeps getting better as it goes on and my ears open wider and wider and the song is just just right and maybe even has an unexpected rise or bass drop and if it does it’s like ‘BOOM’, like a second orgasm you didn’t see coming just 30 seconds after the first (which was already pretty fucking awesome) that you feel right down to the very tips of your twitching toes.
And the song finishes, often suddenly, done and gone like a lover who doesn’t stick around to cuddle but just leaves you still dripping with sweat under the twisted covers, covered in goosebumps and wanting a cigarette.